More Lessons from My Job at the Funeral Home

I have been caring for my mother for eleven years. In the beginning I did not think about how I did it. I helped her shower, made food, paid bills, brought her to the doctor, filled prescriptions and did just about anything she needed. I didn’t think or worry about the money or time I invested, I was just immersed in my role as caregiver. This is often the case for many caregivers. If this describes you or someone you know please keep reading.

Then a lawyer friend of mine asked me some probing questions about how I was administratively handling my mother’s affairs. She suggested I consult an eldercare lawyer. I already knew it was important to have a Power of Attorney in case something happened to my mother’s ability to make decisions for herself.

What I did not know until working for a funeral home was that Power of Attorney ends when someone dies and reverts to “the state order of custody”. State order of custody has nuanced meaning depending on the complexity of relationships, in general there is a hierarchy. When Power of Attorney ends (meaning time of death) and no Funeral Planning Agent has been designated, the power of the deceased’s affairs goes first to a spouse, then to adult children, followed by parents and finally siblings. If the deceased has no family in those categories there is a protocol to follow. An attorney or funeral director will be able to guide through the appropriate legal formalities. Another phrase during funeral arrangements is “next-of- kin”; it is often used interchangeably with the state order of custody. Next-of-kin is a person’s closest living blood relative. The next-of-kin relationship determines responsible parties for the deceased’s remains, especially if there is no spouse and/or no children.

Understanding how the state order of custody /next-of-kin works is especially important if your wishes include cremation. The cremation process is irreversible and final. Many funeral homes, including ours, require all parties in the same category to sign for approval of the cremation process, i.e. five adult children, all five must sign. If both parents are living, the signature of both parents is required. Rhode Island is a state where all members of the same class must sign, other states follow a simple majority rule. These requirements are to protect both the families and funeral homes from potential legal action. State and local laws may vary as well as individual funeral home policies. These are critical points of information to comprehend before embarking on this endeavor.

It is possible to pre-sign cremation authorizations for yourself or your loved one prior to death. One way to avoid confusion and delays after someone dies is to make an appointment with a funeral director today. Conversations with family are always a good start followed by a meeting with an attorney or funeral home staff who can help demystify the rules and regulations.